Category: Sympathy Flower Cards

Why should I send a sympathy card? 

Sending a sympathy card allows you to express your own sadness and to acknowledge the sadness and sense of loss of the bereaved. More importantly, it allows you to let the bereaved know that they are not alone, and that you are thinking of them. This reminds those in deepest mourning that they have a community of support, who care about them.

When should I send a sympathy card? 

It is considered polite to send a sympathy card up to two weeks after the funeral has taken place. Any longer than that, and it is best to proceed with caution- don’t send a send a card months after the event unless you are certain it wouldn’t cause further hurt and distress.

What is the difference between a sympathy card and a condolence card? 

A sympathy card is usually for people who you knew or know well. Those loser to you such as family and friends, who you know on a personal level. these are people to whom you can express ‘my deepest sympathies’  and messages of that nature.

Condolences on the other hand are for people you know less well, perhaps for work colleagues or acquaintances. In these instances you may know the bereaved but may have never, or rarely, met the departed at all. Still, you do want to extend a gesture of empathy to the family at their time of loss.  Sending your condolences at this time fits the bill better.

Is it appropriate to send gifts with a sympathy card? 

Flowers are usually acceptable, although the family may stipulate that they would prefer no flowers , or a donation to charity in lieu of you spending on flowers.  If you are uncertain, a floral card can be a very elegant  solution, as it is a small bouquet within a card, rather than a large bouquet or display that the family will need to split up, give away, or otherwise dispose of later. It is generally not considered appropriate to send chocolates or other gifts. Only send money to the bereaved  if you know them well and are absolutely certain that they they need it and will not be offended. This needs to handled with care, and some discreet enquiries may be required beforehand.

What should I write in a sympathy card? 

It is not necessary to write a lengthy message. If in, doubt, keep your message short and simple. It is the thought and act of sending the card that will most resonate with the bereaved. If in doubt, we have a whole blog post on this subject. You can read our suggestions here. Read on for some tips on what NOT to write.

What should I not write in a sympathy card? 

If at all possible, you should avoid saying anything along the lines of ‘they are in a better place’ or ‘they are no longer suffering / in pain’ which can induce feelings of guilt or painful memories for the bereaved. Although well meant ‘God wanted them for an angel / a sunbeam’ or ‘God has a special plan for X’ are not helpful. Similarly, ‘Everything happens for a reason’ is best avoided. It is also not appropriate to write ‘I know how you feel, when I lost xxxxx’ and then talk about your own loss. If you need to, you can express simply that you ‘empathise’ or they have your empathy. On the other hand, phrases such as ‘you can re-marry’ or ‘you can have another child’  show a distinct lack of empathy, as does ‘ you will feel better in time’ ‘ time is a healer’ and phrases of that nature. It is also best not to put the ball in their court ‘If you need anything, let me know’. This is vague and lacks any meaningful commitment. It’s always difficult to ask for help, and those in mourning may feel even more reluctant to do so. If it is appropriate in your case, it might be better to check in with the bereaved  a week or perhaps a few weeks after the funereal to offer more concrete support and help.

If you would like some more sympathetic suggestions on what you should write instead, head over to our suggested sympathy messages, where we have lots of  helpful ideas.